Just after Guru Maharaj leaving his body (November 27, 1999), Joydeep wrote a poem “Still now as if”(“Ekhono Jeno”). In one stanza of that poem – there is,
“The girl who still smiles in the morning,
I understand that your caress has touched her forehead.
And may be someone, as the result of your reprimand, has turned his eyes red due to repeatedly crying while waking all the night! ”
To manliness, to the awakened conscience, to the most holy man, we, ordinary people, will surely be rebuked. Guruji didn’t ail (by rebuking) us all the time – that’s much for us ! Really, we had begun to learn after we went to him. we hadn’t learned anything before that. We didn’t know how to get up, we didn’t know how to sit, we didn’t know how to speak properly – even we didn’t know how to take the meaning of a word, we didn’t know history – we didn’t know geography – in a word we didn’t know anything ! He used to teach one by one, little by little to us. Surprisingly, that very Master used to teach us the lessons of life__’art of life and art of living’!!!
We all know that, in a class, all the students do not stand ‘first’ – some students rank, some pass with low marks, some fail too!! Who failed, they have to study anew, to get good results next time! We the students of Swami Paramananda were like that !
Whatsoever, we were talking about Guru Maharaj’s ‘rebuke’. When He used to rebuke someone, as if He used to peel his skin completely by that !! In front of everyone, without covering that man’s secret information, which he used to hide, was completely unveiled by Him(as He could read everyone’s mind) ! My plight that day,(which was discussed earlier) was like that. I felt very anger and huff towards Guru Maharaj. Later, Guru Maharaj said one day – “Huff(Abhiman) is not good – it comes from ‘ego’. It is idle quality. But ‘maan’,( one type of anger comes from great affection!) is good. If it comes from love, then it is honest quality. But real ‘maan’ is regal quality(like as Sri Radha’s).”
However, that evening I did not want to go to Mukherjee’s house at Guruji’s sitting – as I was so upset ! But I still went !! Whom I have surrendered my heart and soul – how can His attraction be avoided?? That evening, there was no one special except the people of the Mukherjee family, Nagen and me ! At that time at Banagram as well as at Ashram, there was no electricity ! At Ashram, electric lights or fans would run with diesel generators (These generators used to take one barrel of diesel per week, generator would run 6pm to 9-30pm at night). As there was no electricity in Banagram, so the whole village plunged into darkness at night.
On that day, Tapima said to Guruji, “You know, Guruji, that ‘electricity’ will be supplied to our village very soon !” Guruji said – “Is that ? Then it will be so good ! Then Ashram will also be benefited . Then you will put the fans and lights in your houses also.” Tapima’s mother said, “It will cost a lot to make electric connection all the rooms of the house and you know we will have to pay the bill every month then. I have the experience as I saw it in the family of my relatives! ” Guruji suddenly said – “What else with that? It is enough to install 5 watt / 10 watt lamp in the room. There will be no much bills. The 10 watt lamp is well lit and can be studied also.” Guruji was going to say the words with ease (Then there was no P.L Lamp or L.E.D Lamp, and then 5 Watt, 10 Watt bulbs would not give enough light. Of course, if He is judging with Advance vision then it is different !!).
I hadn’t bothered about their household conversation for so long. Then I lived at Shibpur, Howrah ! So I had the clear Idea about the brightness of different watt electric-lamps ! So I could not bear such nonsense conversation ! But, since I was very angry towards Him that day, I would not talk to Him. But for how long ????? As soon as He started talking about to set 5 watts /10 watts lamp in the study room, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer ! Finally I said, “Why are you talking nonsense, Guruji? Don’t you know how much brightness will be at the lamp 5 or 10 Watts? It needs at least 100_Watt bulbs ln the study-room. It takes 40__60 watts in the bathroom or kitchen !” As soon as I said these words ___- He said in such a way that He didn’t seem to understand anything special about it, and told “You see !! Sridhar knows this very well, how many watt lamps will be needed in each room- Sridhar!!!” He was then behaving in such a manner that
as if I was so wise and He had a lack of knowledge about it ! He was repeating the same words ‘what I was saying’,__ to Tapima. Who will be able to cross the leela of the Leelamay ( the organiser of leela – here, Swami Paramananda, the god himself) !!!
In all these conversations, I could not understand when we(Guruji and me) became reunited again !!
Now I know that His household discussions of that day were also unnecessary !! These were only His kindness on me, to wipe out my anger !!!! Sentence from a wise person is real- “It is His job to rule, who can caress/love.”
Nevertheless, long after this incident, I was rebuked once again by Guruji and this occurred indirectly for Tapima. Tapima and her sister Aruna oftenly used to tell us that Guru Maharaj was very frank to them !! There was no such secret in their lives, that was not discussed with Guruji by them. We would be surprised to hear this, because we had not the courage to tell all the secrets of our lives.
At that time, a young man from our locality called ‘Dhirubhai’ started coming to the ashram with us. He had some old past __ that hurt him a lot. That time, going to Ashram Dhirubhai entered Guru Maharaj’s room as an opportunity, embraced Guru Maharaj’s legs and shed tears, and admitted openly the mistakes of his past life innocently !
Guruji told him not to think about past and to concentrate in meditation ! He went out and told me everything and added that he was feeling very comfortable after telling all to Guru Maharaj…..etc.
Later when I met Tapima, by mistake I mentioned Dhirubhai’s incident during our conversation and I had also said that Tapima and her sisters were not the only who could talk frankly to Guru Maharaj – some others like Dhirubhai also could ! He also acknowledged to Guruji about his past dark-side !
“There is no complexity in my simple mind” – I had not any idea that this discussion would reach Guru Maharaj’s ears !!
The next morning I was passing by Guruji’s room after taking a bath and combing my wet hair (Then Guru Maharaj used to take a glass of tea in the palm of his hand and go out to the playground or if there was any new construction, he would go there and spent some time before sitting.). I saw Guruji coming out of His room with a glass of tea in his hand. “What a good fortune for me”_ I thought, “Today I will pranam to the Lord first_ Who is the dearest in my heart !!!” He took the pranam_ then suddenly He changed His voice and charged me “What had you said to Tapi yesterday?”
I was thinking…. but couldn’t remember !! what did I say….. what did I say….. !!!!
He gave me clue, “Something about the man from your area?”
“Oh-oh !! That’s what they(Tapima and her sisters) told me before – so – – – – !!” As soon as I tried to speak the whole thing, He started saying “Humorous talk in the ashram?? And why did he(the man, Dhirubhai) say the conversation between Us to you? Call that person ! Tell him to meet me immediately !! ” Saying this, He went to the field with that glass in his hand !
I was surprised, amazed, stunned, bewildered ….. !!!!
Word spread out in such way, at the ashram too?? The tendency to hackle others by creating opportunities !!!!
I felt very very sorry to think of that man(Dhirubhai)__ he will also be rebuked much very soon by Guruji for a very little guilt ___!!!
[ Translated by Rajarsi Basak, a student of class Ten and corrected by Ramprasad, a former student of Banagram Ashram.]
“The girl who still smiles in the morning,
I understand that your caress has touched her forehead.
And may be someone, as the result of your reprimand, has turned his eyes red due to repeatedly crying while waking all the night! ”
To manliness, to the awakened conscience, to the most holy man, we, ordinary people, will surely be rebuked. Guruji didn’t ail (by rebuking) us all the time – that’s much for us ! Really, we had begun to learn after we went to him. we hadn’t learned anything before that. We didn’t know how to get up, we didn’t know how to sit, we didn’t know how to speak properly – even we didn’t know how to take the meaning of a word, we didn’t know history – we didn’t know geography – in a word we didn’t know anything ! He used to teach one by one, little by little to us. Surprisingly, that very Master used to teach us the lessons of life__’art of life and art of living’!!!
We all know that, in a class, all the students do not stand ‘first’ – some students rank, some pass with low marks, some fail too!! Who failed, they have to study anew, to get good results next time! We the students of Swami Paramananda were like that !
Whatsoever, we were talking about Guru Maharaj’s ‘rebuke’. When He used to rebuke someone, as if He used to peel his skin completely by that !! In front of everyone, without covering that man’s secret information, which he used to hide, was completely unveiled by Him(as He could read everyone’s mind) ! My plight that day,(which was discussed earlier) was like that. I felt very anger and huff towards Guru Maharaj. Later, Guru Maharaj said one day – “Huff(Abhiman) is not good – it comes from ‘ego’. It is idle quality. But ‘maan’,( one type of anger comes from great affection!) is good. If it comes from love, then it is honest quality. But real ‘maan’ is regal quality(like as Sri Radha’s).”
However, that evening I did not want to go to Mukherjee’s house at Guruji’s sitting – as I was so upset ! But I still went !! Whom I have surrendered my heart and soul – how can His attraction be avoided?? That evening, there was no one special except the people of the Mukherjee family, Nagen and me ! At that time at Banagram as well as at Ashram, there was no electricity ! At Ashram, electric lights or fans would run with diesel generators (These generators used to take one barrel of diesel per week, generator would run 6pm to 9-30pm at night). As there was no electricity in Banagram, so the whole village plunged into darkness at night.
On that day, Tapima said to Guruji, “You know, Guruji, that ‘electricity’ will be supplied to our village very soon !” Guruji said – “Is that ? Then it will be so good ! Then Ashram will also be benefited . Then you will put the fans and lights in your houses also.” Tapima’s mother said, “It will cost a lot to make electric connection all the rooms of the house and you know we will have to pay the bill every month then. I have the experience as I saw it in the family of my relatives! ” Guruji suddenly said – “What else with that? It is enough to install 5 watt / 10 watt lamp in the room. There will be no much bills. The 10 watt lamp is well lit and can be studied also.” Guruji was going to say the words with ease (Then there was no P.L Lamp or L.E.D Lamp, and then 5 Watt, 10 Watt bulbs would not give enough light. Of course, if He is judging with Advance vision then it is different !!).
I hadn’t bothered about their household conversation for so long. Then I lived at Shibpur, Howrah ! So I had the clear Idea about the brightness of different watt electric-lamps ! So I could not bear such nonsense conversation ! But, since I was very angry towards Him that day, I would not talk to Him. But for how long ????? As soon as He started talking about to set 5 watts /10 watts lamp in the study room, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer ! Finally I said, “Why are you talking nonsense, Guruji? Don’t you know how much brightness will be at the lamp 5 or 10 Watts? It needs at least 100_Watt bulbs ln the study-room. It takes 40__60 watts in the bathroom or kitchen !” As soon as I said these words ___- He said in such a way that He didn’t seem to understand anything special about it, and told “You see !! Sridhar knows this very well, how many watt lamps will be needed in each room- Sridhar!!!” He was then behaving in such a manner that
as if I was so wise and He had a lack of knowledge about it ! He was repeating the same words ‘what I was saying’,__ to Tapima. Who will be able to cross the leela of the Leelamay ( the organiser of leela – here, Swami Paramananda, the god himself) !!!
In all these conversations, I could not understand when we(Guruji and me) became reunited again !!
Now I know that His household discussions of that day were also unnecessary !! These were only His kindness on me, to wipe out my anger !!!! Sentence from a wise person is real- “It is His job to rule, who can caress/love.”
Nevertheless, long after this incident, I was rebuked once again by Guruji and this occurred indirectly for Tapima. Tapima and her sister Aruna oftenly used to tell us that Guru Maharaj was very frank to them !! There was no such secret in their lives, that was not discussed with Guruji by them. We would be surprised to hear this, because we had not the courage to tell all the secrets of our lives.
At that time, a young man from our locality called ‘Dhirubhai’ started coming to the ashram with us. He had some old past __ that hurt him a lot. That time, going to Ashram Dhirubhai entered Guru Maharaj’s room as an opportunity, embraced Guru Maharaj’s legs and shed tears, and admitted openly the mistakes of his past life innocently !
Guruji told him not to think about past and to concentrate in meditation ! He went out and told me everything and added that he was feeling very comfortable after telling all to Guru Maharaj…..etc.
Later when I met Tapima, by mistake I mentioned Dhirubhai’s incident during our conversation and I had also said that Tapima and her sisters were not the only who could talk frankly to Guru Maharaj – some others like Dhirubhai also could ! He also acknowledged to Guruji about his past dark-side !
“There is no complexity in my simple mind” – I had not any idea that this discussion would reach Guru Maharaj’s ears !!
The next morning I was passing by Guruji’s room after taking a bath and combing my wet hair (Then Guru Maharaj used to take a glass of tea in the palm of his hand and go out to the playground or if there was any new construction, he would go there and spent some time before sitting.). I saw Guruji coming out of His room with a glass of tea in his hand. “What a good fortune for me”_ I thought, “Today I will pranam to the Lord first_ Who is the dearest in my heart !!!” He took the pranam_ then suddenly He changed His voice and charged me “What had you said to Tapi yesterday?”
I was thinking…. but couldn’t remember !! what did I say….. what did I say….. !!!!
He gave me clue, “Something about the man from your area?”
“Oh-oh !! That’s what they(Tapima and her sisters) told me before – so – – – – !!” As soon as I tried to speak the whole thing, He started saying “Humorous talk in the ashram?? And why did he(the man, Dhirubhai) say the conversation between Us to you? Call that person ! Tell him to meet me immediately !! ” Saying this, He went to the field with that glass in his hand !
I was surprised, amazed, stunned, bewildered ….. !!!!
Word spread out in such way, at the ashram too?? The tendency to hackle others by creating opportunities !!!!
I felt very very sorry to think of that man(Dhirubhai)__ he will also be rebuked much very soon by Guruji for a very little guilt ___!!!
[ Translated by Rajarsi Basak, a student of class Ten and corrected by Ramprasad, a former student of Banagram Ashram.]